So my beloved Emmy, she of Rouge Beauty awesomeness decided it was high time she stop living in sin and tied the knot with her lovely Angelo. Her wedding was a divine mix of butter soft fillet, far too much wine and a very enthusiastic rendition of The Spice Girls’ Wannabe. I also might have tried to push my fellow Expresso Fash Pack member Margaux in the pool at some point, but that girl’s got moves like jagger.
Anyhoo, the most important thing about that day, obviously, was the fact that my tan game was on fleek. I mean, sure, Em made this massive heartfelt commitment and yes, she looked very mooi and all that, but let’s just call a spade a spade here and admit that the focus was my gorgeous faux glow.
Usually this is something I’d create the day before using my favourite self-tan, The Lan Tab in Dark, but I’d come home too
drunk tired to slap it on so I had to whip up something on the fly so I turned to Woolworths’ new body bronzer.
It looks like it’s got glitter in it, but don’t stress, these microscopic particles spread out when you blend so you won’t see a hint of sparkle. Thank God. If you’re a 35-year old woman cruising the mean streets of Cape Town looking for love you don’t want blerrie sparkle in your life.
Also, while the colour looks terrifyingly chocolatey and dark, it blends out to a very nice bronze that worked just fine with my terrifyingly pale complexion.
To get my arms looking mooi, I first applied a body lotion to give things ‘slip’ then squeezed the bronzer into a self-tan mitt and spread it out. It blends like a boss so you don’t have to worry about looking patchy. I then did the same thing for my face, but used a foundation sponge. Ideally, you want to use your oldest, grottiest sponge – the one that’s totally stained with foundation – as it’s less likely to suck up all the product and more prone to ‘spread’.
Once that was all taken care of, I simply applied concealer where I needed it and then did my make-up as per usual. Et voila! You’re a bronzed goddess… until a wine-addled blonde tries to push you in the pool. But that’s a Margaux problem, not mine.