Self-tan and saffron…

Remember that white rokkie I wore to the Ryk Neethling do?

Hola bietsa!

Yes, yes… I looked fabulous… I know… but please don’t think I got home from work and slipped into it sommer so… You have no IDEA as to how much self-tan a naturally pale, Casper-like gal soos ek had to slap on to pull that baby off… And the worst bit? My resident self-tan bitch boyfriend was out of town that night, so I had nobody to do my back for me.

Luckily, I was invited to a regte, egte Indian supper at the home of two of my besties, Dani and Fabian. (I looove doing anything with diva-ish Dani ‘cos she’s tres mentalistic about living the fab life… We once had a tea party at her place and she ensured we had ELEVEN different types of tea. She’d even printed out the names of each one and created a pop-up name card for them… And don’t get me started about that one birthday party where all her guests got a cupcake with a piccie of their face printed on it… )

Anyhoo,  in true Dani style, we were treated to a huge array of Indian starters, THREE different curries and FIVE sambals washed down by copious amounts of champers and vino.

Bukhara can vlieg in their moer...

And lets not forget the chai tea shooters in between courses…

Why thank you, my beautiful Ash.

Girls, if you want to have children one day, best pray to Jesus they turn out like little Ash. Last year, despite being a mere 7, girl made over 150 vodka-infused jello shots (‘grown up juice’) for one of her mom’s parties. Next year she’ll be flaring on the bar! 

Once stuffed to bursting, I stripped off so Dani could give me a good basting with Caribbean Tan. I love the Tanning Spritzer in shade B and prefer it to the aerosol as it delivers a more ‘targeted’ spray. I also find I get more ‘tans’ out of the spritzer bottle as opposed to the aerosol.

This is shade A, but I like to use B as it's darker, but not too dark.

Initially, Dani was horrified by the dark colour of the tanner and said it looked like ‘pooh’. (Being Indian, she’s not used to having to muck about with things like self-tan…) Once she’d gotten over the ‘miffness’, she managed to give my back a good two coats. Alas, during dessert, my hair, which was wet from swimming, came loose and started to undo all her hard work… so my Best Guy Friend, Al, decided to help me out. 

Come and get it ladies...

He actually did quite well (as he’s an artist, he’s one of v. few guys I’d trust to ‘paint’ my bod), but his inherent wickedness took over towards the end when he sprayed a pool of it into his hand and rubbed it – hard – into my left ARMPIT!

Naturaly us girls were on him in a flash, pinning him down so as to get our sweet, Caribbean-y revenge…

Who's sorry now? Nyhahahah!

Still, the next day I woke up (hung like a donkey) with one underarm the colour of Snooki from Jersey Shore! Eek!

Thankfully, this didn’t last long as I’d recently invested in a Sh’zen Skin Stimulator sponge, R129,99.

Looks hideous, works like a bomb...

NOTHING and I mean NOTHING scrubs your bod like this dude. He’s so fierce that when I use him on my hips and thighs, they TINGLE and TWITCH deep down for minutes after you’re done. I only needed a little shower gel and a few sweeps of this boy and I was right as rain – a prime shade of faux bronze to stalk Ryk Neethling and pull off le unforgiving evil that is a little white dress… Phew!

Love, love


x x

P.S. Al – I forgive you, my love. But only ‘cos I couldn’t give up visitations with my your beautiful doggie…

It's... Connor!

8 thoughts on “Self-tan and saffron…

  1. Oooh look guys! I got my first hateful message! (Claps hands!) It feels like high school all over again.

    Sorry Paul… did I sleep with your boyfriend?


    x x x

    1. Sjoe. Okay, that’s enough now. I looked at your site and, if you aren’t hiding behind an alias, you’re a full grown man with two sweet-looking kids. I reckon you should leave me alone and go concentrate on being a good dad to them… Cruising the net to take mean, unprovoked snipes at young girls isn’t setting a nice example.

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