Okay, this isn’t really a review. Nobody needs a ‘review’ of Elizabeth Arden’s bestselling Eight Hour Cream. We all know it’s the shizzle’s nizzle and that it can do a myriad of wondrous things – from healing racehorses back in the day to soothing chapped lips and loading the dish washer for you, this is a god damn multi-tasking wonderbalm, okay?
Want proof? One time I accidentally sliced off my finger with my car keys while using them to opening up a press drop (‘cos I was too lazy to get up and grab a knife) and a slap dash of Eight Hour Cream made it grow back… in eight freakin’ hours!
I know you think this is a total lie but it is not. And anyone who suspects I may or may not still be drunk from last night’s dinner where I felt obliged to polish off a bottle of very potent rooi as it was literally half the price of my rent. But this is not the case.
So, getting back to Eight Hour Cream. It is awesome and iconic. Every body knows this. I’m not going to insult your savvy girlhood by giving you a few of my top tips on how to make it complete and enhance your life. That is shizz you will learn in junior school when you writhe in jealousy while watching cool girl Bronwyn Davies (who grew up to be Glamours fashion ed – love you Bron!) casually pull it from her blazer pocket while you and your plebian bestie clutch bubblegum- and musk-flavoured Lip Ices covered in pencil shavings and lint. School of hard knocks yo!
Ok – so it’s time to get to the point. Arden have created a new limited edition little gold pot and lip balm in a stick, the latter having an SPF 15. Do I really have to tell you why you want them in your handbag? Do I realllly have to give you a zillion reasons as to why this is something you want, want, want?!
Anyway, if you spot it, don’t just grab one, nab two. It’s the perfect gift for any person who’s a female on the planet in that it’s lustable and glamorous but still leaves you with enough money to pay for your horrifically overpriced parking as you leave the V&A. Also, nobody’s going to go ‘God! She gave me a beautifully packaged iconic, multi-tasking wonderbalm. What they hell am I going to do with something that looks pretty and has ten thousand million billion uses? Whaaat a bitch face.’ That’s just not going to happen. Promise.